News Archives

Neverspeak Weekly 3/7/17

Baby, Baby. In addition to new residents, Neverland will be welcoming even newer faces by the end of this year. If you haven’t already heard, Sarah-Jane Mason and her husband Alfie are expecting twins. The word on the street is that Jas Hook himself signed off on their future monikers, Ava and Aidan. Make those connections early! This crafty columnist also got an exclusive with Mia Traynor who just announced that she and her hubby Eli are expecting as well. Both future mother and father are looking forward about their impending parenthood. Mia admits to some trepidation, but assures us that Eli is ready to go. “He is excited to teach his progeny his cowboy ways,” a glowing Mia giggled. Congrats on the great news, cute couples! Better you than me.

Whatever Lola Wants… While some couples are coming closer together, others may be falling apart. Multiple sources have reported seeing Wesley Parsons horseback-riding with blonde beauty Lola Williams at her new riding school, Sunny & Lola’s. According to one concerned observer, “Lola, as she calls herself, offers riding lessons, but she’s very hands-on.” Apparently, Mr. Parsons has been less than honest with his girlfriend Juliet Carpenter about these meetings. A word of caution to both parties, in a town as small as Neverland, you can never keep a secret for long.

Light ‘Em Up. Michael Darling led a tour of the Garden of Light for interested Neverlandians this week. While tours are usually populated by, well, tour-ists, it was great to see the locals really appreciating one of our proudest treasures. Teresa Delacruz loved being in the Garden so much that she made it the location of her Halloween wedding to Neal. The Gardens are always exquisite, but recent developments have made them even more spectacular. Droves of fairies have been showing up in Neverland and taking up residence in the park. This is unusual at this time of year given that it is not December and we aren’t all singing showtunes. (Ask Sarah Lightly more about Fairy Songification if you are new to Neverand…)

Making Magic. The Neverland fire department has had their fair share of cats in trees, but they probably haven’t had a call quite like this one. According to her mother, Lilly-Jane Wentworth accidentally turned her favorite teddy bear into a real live feline. Though she’s only just turned two, the littlest member of our favorite fairy family can already fly and is “startlingly good at anything magic she tries.” Jo isn’t quite sure if the bear will remain a cat or not. With husband Freddie Wentworth in Europe helping fairy refugees and her own commitment to med school, Jo has certainly got her hands full. If the magic can’t be reversed, this bear-turned-cat may be in need of a new home!

Window to the Soul. If you haven’t already joined, there is a new dating app in town. JHMedia and the K-Chron have teamed up to release Open Window. For now, the website will be locals only, but knowing JHMedia, it will soon be worldwide. While competitor Tinder sends your swipes into oblivion, Open Window actually keeps track of how many Neverlandians have opened your window (and how many haven’t.) “It’s the worst kind of popularity contest,” said one disgruntled single. But others don’t seem to be bothered by the game. A grinning Jane Mannering admitted that she’s kind of obsessed with the app. “It’s almost as addicting as these chocolate covered gummy bears!” Just make sure to note what your looking for, so you don’t end up on a date that’s not a date, or a hangout that is!

Trending
Mary Poppins Returns
#GardenofLight
Spring Fling
Hockey
Anastasia the Musical
Ace/aro
Raphael
#AskWendyLive

Best Tweet Ever
Teresa Delacruz @neverlandslayer Mar 3
More
“Dear @Lin_Manuel, do not throw away your shot! Please come to Neverland. Your obedient servant.”

 

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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on March 7, 2017

Dear Darling – SELF HELP!

Dear Darling,
Hey Michael it’s Michael! How are you? Never mind I know exactly how you’re doing – you’re freaking out! Everything is changing and I don’t know what to do! Today I saw John wearing a wrinkled shirt. A WRINKLED SHIRT!!! If that is not a clear sign that these are the end times than I don’t know what is! So I guess my question to me is…How do you stay calm when you have no friggin’ idea what will happen next, and down is up, and right is wrong, and good is bad, and you’re completely OUT OF CHEESY POOFS!?!?!?!!1

Sincerely Michael Darling.

Well, Michael I can tell by your punctuation that you are A) very handsome B) very cool and C) super stressed out.  And my advice to you is…I DON’T KNOW!  And what do I do when I’m lost?  Watch cartoons!!! So please enjoy this advice:

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on September 9, 2015

Work vs Play

How do you manage work and play? My personal experience has been a bit sketchy, especially nearing exam times, and I would like to hear your advice.

-Zoe

This is an awesome question Zoe my darlingite!  Especially when everyone is getting ready to head back to school!

We all have important things that we have to do.  You have to do your homework, you have to clean your room, you have to organize your dvd collection by ability to make you laugh so hard milk comes out your nose.  But it’s also important to LIVE!  It’s important to go outside and play tag with the squirrels, to try every ice cream flavor they have at the Jolly Roger Soda Shop , to puke rainbows because you ate 40 pounds of ice cream, to have FUN!

But you have to have balance.

Many of you know my brother John.  A while back, he was in a place where work was his number one priority.  He would work 25 hours a day, yes 25.  He was so efficient that somehow he managed to get an extra hour out of every day!  It was driving him crazy!  And then you have my, old friend, Peter.  Peter was so focused on only doing things he thought were fun that he lost his job.  If you give work too much time, you’ll isolate yourself from the rest of the world.  But if you abandon all your responsibilities, you’ll disappoint the people who are counting on you and end up just as alone.

Later in life, you can find work that actually makes you happy!  I love talking to all of my darlingites, so work and play are sorta the same thing!  For now, while you’re in school, just make sure you keep that balance!  Try rewarding yourself for spending an hour studying by drawing a picture of your teacher and his goofy tie!  Or maybe read the chapters your assigned outside to get some fresh air!   Whatever you do, keep it balanced 🙂

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on September 2, 2015

Neverspeak Weekly 9/1/15

Party Patrol. There was a lot of build-up to Sarah-Jane Lakewood’s NYC engagement party this week. After she enlisted security help from Teresa Delacruz and Sheriff Lestrade, the Neverland Fate Stalkers were called to expand their normal matchmaking duties to include public safety. They may be lovers, not fighters, but Neverland stayed quiet except for a few rustling shrubs.

A Michaelstone! Kensington Chronicle’s resident advice columnist and vlogger Michael Darling celebrated his 100th episode of Dear Darling this week. His unique blend of heartfelt advice and off-the-wall antics have made for quite a run. Here’s hoping he’ll have a hundred more great episodes – maybe guest starring his sister and new boss-in-law Wendy!

My Fair Soiree. As expected, Ms. Lakewood’s engagement party was quite the event! The guest list included Cecco, Ed Teynte, her roller derby crew, Marvel executives, Chris Pratt and Mermaid Lagoon. Neverlandians in attendance were Wendy Darling, Jas Hook, Sheriff Lestrade, Bri Valdivia, Nanny Ams, and Fish Girl Pond. The surprise of the night was when Special Guest Julie Andrews came out of retirement to sing to the couple.

Editor-in-Grief. If you have been keeping up with the paper through this difficult transition, you may be missing a certain voice. If the Kensington Chronicle is the heart of Neverland, then John Darling is the heart of the Kensington Chronicle. We here at the paper miss his passion and commitment, and look forward to his return! Now back to my absolutely filthy desk…

All My Single Landies! A certain gossip columnist promised to feature sexy singles in her column sometime. Well, carpe date ’em! If you’d like to be mentioned, DM me with a little bio about yourself and what you’re looking for in a significant other. Summer’s coming to an end, and as that crisp fall weather approaches, we all deserve someone special to cuddle up to.

Trending
#NationalDogDay
Taylor Swift
Feminist Tweet
#CabinTime
President Trump
RIP Wes Craven
#YouNow
Teddy Lupin

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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on September 1, 2015

100 Ways to Stay Alive on the Web!

Ahoy-hoy, Darlingites! This edition of John’s Editorials is brought to you by the irreversible Michael Darling, and the letter “O.”  As in, “OMG, I can’t believe I’ve been hosting ‘Dear Darling’ for 100 episodes!”  I know John usually writes these, but in honor of this milestone, he let me tag in!  And here I am, ready to talk about one of my favorite subjects: ME!

That’s right, it’s been 100 episodes since I took over “Dear Darling” from my sister, Wendy,  and our numbers are better than ever! (Not that it’s a competition.)  Wendy was the inventor of the format, after all.  And mostly, I’m just glad she and I are on speaking terms again.

Since Mr. Hook has ALL the money, I expect my salary will go up a million percent.  But don’t worry, I have no plans to retire.  I love all of you too much!  And, look, as long as we’re talking about it, I’m gonna get sappy for a second.  I couldn’t do this show without all of you viewers.  I literally couldn’t.  Without you, I’d have nobody to give advice to!  So I wanted to take a minute to do a bunch of shoutouts to friends of the show, people who help make “Dear Darling” the Kensington Chronicle’s most popular advice vlog.  In no particular order:

JH Media computer whiz Zoe Penderghast, who helped salvage my hard drive after it got wet during the last Fish Girl Pond concert.  Hannah Hope, one of my high school buds, who just recently became a teacher at Neverland High.  Say hi to Aurelia Lavoix for me, she’s the voice coach there!  Gotta give the Heisel twins credit for world’s best prank, even if it was at my expense!  You know what you did.  Officer Kenzi Martin, who’s been helping Sheriff Lestrade settle into his new position.

My favorite non-human guest, Chuckles the high-fiving cat, and her human, Shirley Positive.  I’ve never met Alexander Trell in person, I don’t think anyone has seen him since he was 12.  But he writes in on a regular basis, and John tells me his books on LGBT issues are absolute page turners.  Maddy Pfairlove and her amazing strawberry banana smoothies.  Cornish Curios curator Brigid Cornish, who keeps coming up in conversation.  Holy alliteration, Batman!

Melissa “Buttons” Wilson for hosting our staff Bad Movie Nights.  Neverwhere Inn, where Colleen Husted leaves the light on for all of our celebrity guests.  Rufio Bascom of Rufio Consignments, who provided my jacket for the anniversary episode.  Vehura Hoshino and Luath Events for organizing the Chronicle Christmas party this past year.  Kaz and Bronwen for being the best interns a guy could have.

And I can’t leave out Jo and Freddie Wentworth, who created “Dear Darling’s” littlest fan, baby Lillian.  And of course, Monstro, Columbine Hailtree, Lily Belle Abbott, Erin Wilbert, Valeria Smooth, Kensy, Adelaide Turner, Big Matthew C., Amanda Carter and Ann Jensen, but you kids are getting a special shoutout in the anniversary show, so I’ll just name drop you all here.  Oh, but I will say to Monstro… glad to hear you and Teresa Delacruz worked out your differences, buddy.

We’ve got a star-studded anniversary episode in store for you guys this week.  It’s all I can do not to post the lineup here, but that’d spoil the surprise!  Moving forward, you might see videos even more often!  I have my entire room to myself for a change, which means I can do videos at all hours.

Thank you guys so much for making “Dear Darling” possible.  You ain’t seen nothing yet!

Sent from my iPhone,
Michael Darling

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Posted in Editorials
Posted on August 27, 2015

Dear Darling – Being Yourself

How are you so free? You are always yourself, no matter what anyone thinks of you. Every time I try to be myself, people tell me exactly who I should be and what I should do with my life. It feels like I’m twenty different people trying to please fifty. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even know who I am anymore. It’s been the cause of my depression for almost two years and I don’t know what to do. I just want to make everyone else happy.
-Emily
Anytime people try to tell me to be less me, AKA less AWESOME, I just watch their mouths move and replace all the words with “Wah wah wu-wah wu-wah” and nod until they walk away.

 

Haters gonna hate man! As long as the you YOU are isn’t unkind or destructive or harmful to anyone else – DO YOU! You’ve exhausted yourself trying to make other people happy; it’s time to get rid of 19 of those 20 people pleasers and pick the person you wanna be. It’s not gonna happen overnight either. Finding the happiest you can take time. Imagine if Goku stopped at Saiyan and never went Super Saiyan?

 

Just do me a favor, put yourself first sometimes. We shouldn’t put ourselves first all the time – that’s a one-way ticket to I’m a Jerk Town. But if you always put yourself last and try to be someone just to make others happy, you’ll be the number one resident of Bummed Outville. So take a deep breath and start tuning out anyone that says who you are isn’t enough.

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on August 19, 2015

Dear Darling – She loves me…not?

How do you get over someone who you liked but didn’t like you back?
-PersonNeedingMichael’sWisdom
Well, PersonNeedingMichael’sWisdom, first of all…What an awesome name!!! I mean, how crazy is it that your mom named you PersonNeedingMichael’sWisdom?? What are the odds?!?! There are no coincidences, only things that happen by total random chance, so I am excited to be the Michael that offers the wisdom you need!

Second of all, this is rough. I know it’s hard to believe, because I’m so muscular and handsome and funny and charming, but this has happened to me. (GASP) We don’t have as much control over how we feel as we’d like to think we do and sometimes you see someone and BAM! Feelings just pounce on you, like a…like a TIGER! But we have even less control over how other people feel.

The most important thing to remember is that it isn’t a reflection on how good or bad you are. Sometimes our brains are jerks and tell us that if So-and-So doesn’t like us, then we shouldn’t like ourselves. Well that is dog poop! Don’t listen to it! You take that thought and you throw that right in the trash! Who knows what the other person is thinking, don’t over-analyze it, don’t get all macho (or girl-cho?) and become angry at them. They are not required to like you back. And odds are, there is someone around who does like you and hasn’t told you yet, and seeing you deal with rejection badly might totally turn them off.

Chin up. Literally. Walk tall, walk proud. Realize that you will be enough, NAY, you will be excessively awesome for someone else. And until that time comes you’re just gonna keep getting better and better. And maybe that person who wasn’t into you will come running crying “Wait! Wait! I see it now, you’re the most amazingest, there will never be one more cool, give me another chance!” and you’ll just tip your sunglasses and say “Sorry, that ship has sailed” and walk away in slo-mo.

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on August 12, 2015

Panlet

Last night, former Kensington Chronicle cartoonist Peter Pan mounted a production of his “original” play “Panlet” at the Neverland Community Theatre.  For those of you who were not fortunate enough to attend, we’ve archived the performance here:

CREDITS

WRITTEN/DIRECTED BY
Peter Pan

CAST

Peter Pan as PANLET
Michael Darling as DANGERPANTZ
John Darling as JOHN-THE-STERN
G. Harrison Lestrade as THE GHOST OF PANCULES
Teresa Delacruz as QUEEN GWENDOLYN
Rowan O’Connor as JAS HOOK
Morgan Skylights as NARRATOR

MUSIC BY
Fish Girl Pond

MAKEUP/SFX BY
Elsa Fairy

ANIMAL WRANGLER
Lorelai Rosewill

SPECIAL THANKS TO
The Neverland Community Theatre
The Jolly Roger Soda Ship

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Posted in Neighborhood Stories
Posted on August 7, 2015

Dear Darling – Healthy Friendships

Dear Darling
I have recently undergone some changes due to health issues and I am having a hard time communicating how difficult it is to my friends. These health issues have required a complete lifestyle change and adjustments in normal activities requires forethought and planning and adjustments which I don’t feel I am receiving from my friends. What should I do? – Vicky Knowledge
It sounds like you’re dealing with TWO things! Possible even THREE THINGS! But don’t worry, my dearest Darlingite! I took an online night class on multi-tasking!

First off, you’re probably still adjusting to your new health conditions yourself. Sometimes when we undergo personal changes it can be stressful and we can feel alone. Second, you mention communicating has been hard. There can be a lot of reasons we have a hard time talking about medical problems, it can be very personal and the words can be very hard to pronounce. Third, you’re not seeing your friends making the effort to adjust.
You know what I think? (Of course not! If you did you’d be psychic!!!) I think there all CONNECTED!


Because you’re having a hard time telling your friends how hard your new life is, they don’t understand how much you need them! It might be difficult, but you need to have a heart to heart with them. You should open up about your struggle, maybe have a get-together at your house specifically to talk to them and answer questions, make it a party! You can call it: Vicky Knowledge’s Awesome Friends Awareness Party!!! And be ready Miss Knowledge, not every person is as cool and amazing as us. Some of your friends might not make the changes as quickly as others, some might not compromise at all. But think of this as a good thing, you’d rather have a few truly amazing friends than a bunch of jerks who are only thinking about themselves.

Medikidz.com
PS- If you’re having trouble finding a fun way to teach your friends about your health condition, check out Medikidz. It’s a comic book series designed to help people understand and teach others about a bunch of different medical conditions! It’s fun and educational (which sounds like an oxyclean moron, but it is fun I swear!). They’re written by some nerdy kid named Shawn DeLoache…his name sounds kinda familiar. Maybe he was in my night class online!

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on August 5, 2015

Dear Darling – Long Distance Friendships

Hello! Long time reader, first time writer. So, how do you manage to stay close to people when long distance is a problem? A lot of my friends are going off to college far away, and I am terrified of growing apart because of distance. Thank you!
-Ysabelle
@fandomfeline

 

Hey Ysabelle! I too have been reading a long time so we’re basically the same person, I shall now call you Michael 2. Ironically, which is the correct use of that word, Michael 1 (me) has been having a very similar problem. My sister moved away because she got a job making oodles of money doing what she loves. Which is great, for her, I guess. And your friends are probably super excited about their new schools. It’s important to give the people we love room to be happy. Sometimes that means seeing them less and even talking to them less.

You can only control you Michael 2, so do your best to stay involved! Social media has given us the ability to be close to people we’ve never even met (did you know you can tweet @ the president??) so use those super powers to stay up to date with your friends! And don’t forget the mailman! Or woman. Mailperson! They don’t only deliver boring things like important looking tax papers addressed to your brother than you keep forgetting to give him. They also deliver packages!!! There is LITERALLY nothing more exciting than getting a package. Fill a small box with a few of their favorite things, little things to remind them that you still care, and mail it out.

But at the end of the day, the easiest way to make sure you don’t grow apart, is to talk. Answer your phone, return missed calls, reach out to them, and I promise Michael 2, it’ll make a big difference.

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on July 29, 2015

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A weekly round up of all Neverland, Ohio news and posts. Sent every Sunday

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Sunday
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Friday
Saturday
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  • 10:00 pmAsk Wendy Live!
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  • All DayOpenWindow Launch
  • 7:00 pmFree Dance Class: Ballet
  • 10:00 pmGarden of Light Tour w/ Michael Darling
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  • 6:00 pmBri’s Wedding Shower
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  • All DayNeverland Vernal Equinox Celebration
  • 6:25 amFirefly Festival
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  • 5:00 pmNeverland Spring Festival High Tea Mixer
  • 8:00 pmAnnual Spring Fling Ball
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  • 4:00 pmMeet Neal Cassidy
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