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Neverspeak Weekly 4/11/17

by Morgan Skylights
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Will You Marry Me…Right Now? Last Friday night, while the rest us were wondering why we don’t have a better social life, the most romantic thing ever was happening across town. In the woods outside his new house, Wesley Parsons proposed to Juliet Carpenter. According to some local fairies, this was only the beginning of a magical night. The moment Julie said said yes, a select group of family and friends popped out of the bushes (why are there always bushes whenever anything romantic happens in this town?). The groom and the group put on a surprise wedding for the pair complete with full wedding regalia, a delicious feast, and an intimate reception.

They’re Not Gonna Take It. Neverlandians across town are seething about the recent changes at the K-Chron. In a bold move, Jas Hook fired advice columnist and ex-fiance Wendy Darling, assistant to the editor John Darling, and whatever-she-was-this-week Lily Bagha, a close friend to the Darling family. CEO Jas Hook explained that what happened was not at all personal but a purely business decision.  He explained, “The K-Chron needs to go in a new direction and the Darlings are holding it back.” This hasn’t stopped the rallying cry of “Save the Darlings!” from taking the streets and shops of Neverland. The Neverland Wish Granters even changed their grand opening on Friday to a #SavetheDarlings Solidarity Party.

Ferris Approved. Neverlandians turned out last Wednesday for an 80’s themed bash celebrating Enya Rose’s birthday. Teresa decorated local pizza joint Shakey’s with posters of famous 80’s movies and lots and lots of neon. Leg warmers, parachute pants and tutus all made a comeback and the night ended with a screening of the classic John Hughes film “The Breakfast Club.”  In case you didn’t get enough partying in, just a reminder that Agent Taco’s Bachelor Party is happening this Friday at 7PM! Don’t think it’s 80’s themed, but I’m sure Mr. Bueller would still be on board.

Play It Again, John. John Darling isn’t letting unemployment get him down. After reading a pile of awesome submissions, the once-editor-in-waiting has chosen to produce “The Wedding Crashers” by Teresa Delacruz and Gemma Willoe. Casting will take place this week. If you’re interested in auditioning, tweet to @JNDarling indicating which character you’d like to play, with the hashtag #NeverlandAuditions, and then present a monologue of your choosing. See below for details on the characters! Please submit your monologue no later than 11 p.m. this Thursday, 4/13. The show will take place this Saturday, April 15th, at 6PM Eastern followed by an after party of epic proportions. This is one Neverland event you do not want to miss!

CHARACTER BREAKDOWN

Pandora – our brave heroine, in love with Westley, she must fight for her love
Westley – ruggedly handsome, in love with Pandora, but duped by Jasmine
Jasmine – the villain, that vile witch which keeps these lovers apart
Bear Moon – the man in the moon, who shines the truth on deception
Tiger – anyone who is willing to dress up in a tiger costume
Clergyman – this is self-explanatory

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Twelfth Grade

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Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that’s your ghost outfit forever.

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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on April 11, 2017

Neverspeak Weekly 4/4/17

by Morgan Skylights
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Hail to the Chief. After a well-deserved vacation, Neverland’s own version of George Bailey made a triumphant return to his version of Bedford Falls. As always, the venerable editor-in-chief of the now defunct Kensington Chronicle had words of wisdom that inspired everyone he came in contact with. Jacqueline Viana said, “What I learned from @GDarlingEIC today: FINISH YOUR SCRIPT. PITCHING IT IS ANOTHER STORY, BUT FINISH IT. #BestPepTalk. Khaleesi in Asgard said after her run in with the GD, I REALLY need to get back to work on my novel. Finish that first draft ONCE AND FOR ALL. Jessica James summed up George’s new retirement point of view, “Happy thoughts on creating without fear – and rethinking adulting.” Even though it has been hard to go on without Mr. Darling, his absence has seemed to make our hearts grow fonder.

Fight and Flight. Ever since Aria Griffith’s dramatic fairy transformation at the Spring Fling, lips and wings have been flapping about the tiny dancer. Unfortunately, this seems to have put a strain on her relationship with her best friend Anna Berry. Multiple sources have told this gossip columnist that this have gotten a little explosive between the two. Of course, things seem to be rather explosive in general around the brand new fairy – fairy puberty is nothing to joke around about. Remember middle school? Well, just add magic. And wings. Godspeed, Aria!

Work Hard, Play Hard. Some Neverlandians will be surprised to hear that the K-Chron’s John Darling will be producing a local play. Many will remember Peter Pan’s smash hit, Panlet from last year. While Mr. Darling says this will not be a follow up, it will be a similar process. The difference this year is that Mr. Darling is accepting submissions from all Neverlandians until April 10. At that time, he will chose the script that speaks to him the most, cast the roles with local actors, then put the show up the same week! It’s a fast and furious process, but as Broadway great Leonard Bernstein said, “To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.” Send your scripts to j.napolean.darling@gmail.com.

When You Wish… What started as something personal has become a little more global for Teresa Delacruz and friends. With the help of Gemma, Anna, Lola, Amanda and her fiancé Neal, our local slayer held a bakes sale at Neverland U to finance her Sanditon honeymoon. While the ladies sold their sweets, they realized they wanted to finance other people’s dreams too. This Friday, Neverland Wish Granters will have their grand opening at the Jolly Roger Soda Ship. They will raise money to essentially give people life scholarships so they can take George Darling’s advice and pursue their dreams. Their first official fundraiser was the 24 hour dance marathon at the Neverland Gym where Neverlandians could work off some of those baked goods.

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Gemma Willoe @BrilliantBennet Mar 28
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Tweet as you would like to be twoten to.

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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on April 4, 2017

Neverspeak Weekly 9/1/15

by Morgan Skylights
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Party Patrol. There was a lot of build-up to Sarah-Jane Lakewood’s NYC engagement party this week. After she enlisted security help from Teresa Delacruz and Sheriff Lestrade, the Neverland Fate Stalkers were called to expand their normal matchmaking duties to include public safety. They may be lovers, not fighters, but Neverland stayed quiet except for a few rustling shrubs.

A Michaelstone! Kensington Chronicle’s resident advice columnist and vlogger Michael Darling celebrated his 100th episode of Dear Darling this week. His unique blend of heartfelt advice and off-the-wall antics have made for quite a run. Here’s hoping he’ll have a hundred more great episodes – maybe guest starring his sister and new boss-in-law Wendy!

My Fair Soiree. As expected, Ms. Lakewood’s engagement party was quite the event! The guest list included Cecco, Ed Teynte, her roller derby crew, Marvel executives, Chris Pratt and Mermaid Lagoon. Neverlandians in attendance were Wendy Darling, Jas Hook, Sheriff Lestrade, Bri Valdivia, Nanny Ams, and Fish Girl Pond. The surprise of the night was when Special Guest Julie Andrews came out of retirement to sing to the couple.

Editor-in-Grief. If you have been keeping up with the paper through this difficult transition, you may be missing a certain voice. If the Kensington Chronicle is the heart of Neverland, then John Darling is the heart of the Kensington Chronicle. We here at the paper miss his passion and commitment, and look forward to his return! Now back to my absolutely filthy desk…

All My Single Landies! A certain gossip columnist promised to feature sexy singles in her column sometime. Well, carpe date ’em! If you’d like to be mentioned, DM me with a little bio about yourself and what you’re looking for in a significant other. Summer’s coming to an end, and as that crisp fall weather approaches, we all deserve someone special to cuddle up to.

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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on September 1, 2015
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