Every Monday, John Darling posts an editorial article documenting and challenging the latest in Neverland, Ohio.

If you don’t want to miss an article, you can sign up for a free subscription (in the sidebar to your right). You will receive a weekly email with all of the newspaper’s articles for the week.

8 PIZZA TOPPINGS THAT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND!

This week I’ve been tasked with writing a listicle that’s at least (relatively) wholesome, if still not in the strictest sense actually news.

8. Butternut Squash and Sage

With garlic oil, homemade ricotta, roasted butternut squash, fresh thyme and crispy sage.

7. Rhubarb Basil 

With Apple Honey BBQ Sauce.

6. Shrimp Scampi

As good as a pizza as it is a pasta.

5. Deep Dish Reuben 

Topped with corned beef, swiss cheese, sauerkraut.

4. Baked Mac ‘n’ Cheese

Dangerously delicious.

3. Hummus and Grilled Zucchini

I think this one speaks for itself.

2. M&M’s

I’ll bet you can guess which Neverlandian submitted this one.

1. Fairy Dust

This one is a Neverland original!

And speaking of pizza, remember that there’s no better place in Neverland to get it than our local Shakey’s!

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Posted in Editorials
Posted on March 20, 2017

Clearing the Derrière

Neverlandians, today I’ve been tasked with answering the question that apparently everyone but me has been asking re: pop-star Derrière Diva: “Booty real or booty fake?” In case, like some of us, you have better things to do with your time, allow me to bring you up to speed. Ms. Diva’s appearance at this year’s Siren Awards has kicked off the latest in a disturbing trend of bootygate scandals. The ratio of Ms. Diva’s behind to her waistline does seem to defy what we would think of as standard body proportions, but just because it is unusual does not mean it isn’t naturally possible. There are a lot of facets to this question, and I shall endeavor to address the issue respectfully while keeping my journalistic integrity intact.

The practice of using the suffix “-gate” to denote a scandal, of course, originated in the early ‘70s when the Nixon White House was implicated in a burglary of the Democratic National Committee’s headquarters which happened to be located inside the Watergate Complex in Washington D.C. I’d hazard to say that the authenticity of Derrière Diva’s booty is of significantly less national import than the dirty-dealings of a one-time-president of the United States, but you wouldn’t know it from the way this so-called scandal is trending on Twitter.

So what do we actually know? Surgical procedures to enhance one’s posterior have existed for more than 30 years, two of the most common being fat injections and silicon implants. Now, as it turns out, there is a fairly definitive way in which to identify the presence of booty enhancements. Both of these methods of posterior augmentation would show up on X-ray or CT scans, tiny calcium specs called “microcals” for the former and the implants themselves for the latter. Not surprisingly, however, there do not appear to be any publicly available scans of Derrière Diva’s backside to settle this debate once and for all. And even if there were, journalistic integrity would demand that rigorous pains be taken to ensure that said scan were, in fact, performed by board-certified Radiologists.

Absent this definitive medical evidence, the question of “Is Derrière Diva’s booty real or fake?” seems to be largely a matter of opinion. Still, it has been made clear to me that I am expected to draw a conclusion, sparse though the actual facts may be. So to that end I say, we must presume that it is real until such time as it can be proven otherwise. This is America, after all.

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Posted in Editorials
Posted on March 6, 2017

Welcome to OpenWindow – Hooked on Love

Are you looking for love or friendship in Neverland?

Well JHMedia and the K-Chron have your back!  OpenWindow is here, a place online where you can connect with other Neverlandians.  Rate whether you want to open your window to them or close it!  Those with Twitter accounts shared allow you to connect with them.

You can join up or just rate!

Click here to begin.

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Posted in Editorials, Tech Updates
Posted on March 3, 2017

5 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT FAIRY CULTURE

1. In fairy society, only the young can lead. Of course, fairies live for hundreds of years, so “young” for them is a little different than it is for us. When they reach Twilight (100 years old), fairy government officials – including the queen – are expected to resign.

2. Theirs is a matriarchal, dynastic monarchy. So when a queen dies, or turns 100, the crown is passed down to her youngest daughter. Incidentally, Queen Opal Mab I’s Twilight ceremony occurs next week, and she has no female heirs! For the first time in fairy history, the fairy ruler will be a male, Opal Dawn’s son Crimson.

3. You probably know that the current fairy queen is her royal highness Opal Mab I, but what most people don’t know is that “Mab” is not a family name but a royal appellation, like “Caesar” in Ancient Rome. The name Mab is assumed by each queen upon coronation, in honor of the first fairy queen.

4. The 1950 chart-topping song “Dust Cloud Saturday,” written by Neverland’s own Isaac “Dusty Wind” Mannering, is actually a chronicle of a real event! In 1949, a Great Fairy Dust Storm caused most of the fairy folk to leave our local Garden of Light, and settle in the four corners of the globe.

5. Anyone who’s seen a fairy is familiar with the fairy dust they leave in their wake. What a lot of people don’t realize is that fairy dust color is actually a family Trait!

Posted in Editorials
Posted on February 27, 2017

Ask Wendy Live! on March 1st

Hello my Wendy Birds!

This Wednesday evening (March 1st) at 10pm Neverland, Ohio time (EST) I will be hosting a one-time-only LIVE Ask Wendy.

When it is happening, you can ask me questions and I will let you know my thoughts.  In the meantime, you can ask me questions or comment on things in a couple of ways:

  • Tweet to me @ItsDearDarling using #AskWendyLive
  • or fill out the form below!
Fields marked with a * are required.

(note: we will not post your email address or twitter handle)

Have an empowering day!

-Wendy D.

Posted in Editorials
Posted on February 26, 2017

Caveat Emptor

Neverlandians, by now you have no doubt heard that my father, George Darling, is stepping down from his position as editor-in-chief of the Kensington Chronicle. When Father made a deal with Mr. Hook to sell the paper to JH Media, we were assured that he would continue to run the day-to-day operations at the Chronicle, and that the paper would not be substantially changed going forward. But, from what little he’s told me about it, to all appearances my father’s resignation is a matter of creative differences between himself and the new management. That being the case, I can’t help the nagging suspicion that the winds are about to change here at our local paper, and quite possibly not for the better.

Though my father’s separation from his beloved local newspaper appears on the surface to be entirely amicable, the fact of the matter is George Darling is a man of far too much integrity to air his dirty laundry in a public forum. If there is something more contentious underlying his departure, we may likely never know about it. And the whole situation is further complicated by the fact that our new editor-in-chief, Jas Hook himself, is inextricably entangled with the Darling family on a personal level; it’s no secret that he and my sister Wendy have been happily dating since her time working at JH Media’s corporate headquarters in New York City.

Now, don’t get me wrong: I have used this very space to sing Mr. Hook’s praises in the past. My respect for him as a self-made media mogul knows no bounds. And he has given me no reason to believe that he has anything but the best of intentions when it comes to my sister; Mr. Hook and Wendy are, I think, a coupling to which we all could aspire. But I can believe all of those things about him and still have reservations about some of the decisions he’s made re: the Chronicle, even in the short time he’s been at the helm, not the least of which being his decision to take the paper global. For a paper that has been about hyperlocal news since its inception, that sends up a big red flag.

And it is with great regret that I report that this article you are now reading will be the last of the John Darling editorials, such as they have been. And perhaps I don’t have quite as much integrity as my father, because I feel compelled to say that the cessation of this feature is in no way a choice that I have made; it is, rather, an edict that has come down from up on high. It is my sincerest hope that the demise of my longtime column is in no way connected with my vocal equivocation about the direction of the Chronicle under the new management (though, to Mr. Hook’s credit, he has allowed me to run this piece unedited, in its original form). I had hoped to one day be the top newsman myself here at the Chronicle, but I have in effect been demoted from assistant to the editor-in-chief to merely a staff writer. As of this moment, I do not know the type of content I will be expected to produce under the new regime. I would love it if my instincts about all of this were wrong; but they so very rarely are.

Dear readers, I cannot thank you enough for your unwavering support over lo these many years. And I am not going anywhere! Not yet. The Kensington Chronicle as we knew it may be dead, replaced instead by the K-Chron, but some things never change. As long as I’m here, you, the people of Neverland, will have a voice. And don’t hesitate to tell me on Twitter what you think of this new direction in the days and weeks to come. The Kensington Chronicle has always been a paper of and for the people; and if I have anything to say about it, the same will hold true for the K-Chron.

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Posted in Editorials
Posted on February 20, 2017

The More They Stay The Same

People of Neverland, Jas Hook here.  My darling Wendy recently brought it to my attention that her family’s local newspaper has been floundering.  This news kicked me back on my heels, and spurred me on to do something about it; not just because the Kensington Chronicle matters to Wendy but because it matters to me.  I, too, read John’s editorials week in and week out, and take no small source of pleasure from Michael’s Dear Darling videos.  What’s more, even though I’ve spent the better part of my life far from the town I first called home, an important part of my heart has always been in Neverland.  For a long time, I was the only out-of-state subscriber to the Chronicle.  Shipping a copy to New York on a daily basis is not the cheapest proposition in the world, but being the CEO of a massive global conglomerate like JH Media does occasionally have its privileges.  Honestly, my advisors recommended against acquiring the Chronicle; “It doesn’t make any sense,” they told me, “Not from a financial standpoint.” Well, I’ll tell all of you exactly what I told them: JH Media is about more than just what makes “financial sense.”

I didn’t really know Mr. George Darling very well in high school, but I’ve spent a great deal of time with him on my most recent visit to Neverland.  And I’m happy to report that he’s every bit the charming, local hero that the paper makes him out to be.  His passion for the Chronicle is unmatched (except, perhaps, by that of his son John), and I’m proud to say that more than a little of that passion has rubbed off on me.  Like George said in his last editorial, the Kensington Chronicle is a Neverland institution.  And as such, I want to inform everyone that JH Media maintains a commitment to making as few changes as possible.  With that in mind, for as long as he’s willing and able, there will always be a place for Mr. George Darling at the helm.

I know that John Darling, editor of our online edition, is a prototypical Neverlandian in his reluctance to embrace change.  It’s my understanding that he’s not been taking the paper’s sale  particularly well, which is why he hasn’t written any editorials for the past several weeks.  But I want to make it clear that I know John’s aversion to the new status quo has nothing to do with me or my company; John and I have enjoyed nothing but the most cordial of relationships since I came into his sister Wendy’s life.  I think John is just having trouble wrapping his mind around the fact that the family business is no longer all in the family.  But I have no doubt that John will come around, and his position will be waiting for him when he does.  Because, as a longtime reader, I understand that the Kensington Chronicle needs John Darling as much as he needs it.

So take heart, people of Neverland: your beloved local newspaper isn’t going anywhere.  If anything, I’m committed to making the Kensington Chronicle better than ever.  I’d also like to invite your input during this period of transition, to make sure we’re putting out a paper that meets, and hopefully even exceeds, your needs.  Despite my complicated history with Neverland, in my heart it’s always been my home.  It is an incredible honor to shepherd my favorite local paper into what I know will be a new era of prosperity, and I’m fully aware of the great responsibility that that entails.  Your stories are the heart of Neverland, constant readers, and we’re going to keep telling your stories.  Because I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Posted in Editorials
Posted on September 9, 2015

Shuffling Paper

Pop culture has done a lot to romanticize the notion of a captain going down with his ship.  Now, that might be an honorable decision once you’ve gotten everybody to the lifeboats.  But if your crew’s still onboard, it’s the captain’s duty to keep the ship afloat at all costs.  Even if that means ceding control of your boat to someone better equipped to stay its course.  Okay, let me back up for a minute, because this metaphor is getting unnecessarily dramatic.

George Darling here, longtime Editor in Chief and owner of the Kensington Chronicle, writing to explain why I’m not the paper’s owner anymore.  As many of you have no doubt already heard, I recently sold the Kensington Chronicle to JH Media.  After considering all the options, I found this to be the best one for everyone involved.  But just because it was the right choice, the only choice, doesn’t make it any easier for me, or for my family.  The Chronicle has been owned and operated by a Darling since my ancestor Kensington founded it in 1862, after all.

Now, the question on a lot of your lips is probably, how did it all come to this?  Well, in recent months, I’ve been candid on the Twitter about the paper’s financial difficulties.  And, truth be told, I wasn’t making the situation out to be quite as dire as it even was.  We were maybe just a few months out from me having to close the doors to the Chronicle for good.  And the fact of the matter is, I’ve got my employees to think about, some of my closest friends and kin, and some of the best newspapermen and women that I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with.  They’re the crew members I talked about in the boat metaphor, the ones I can’t bear to see go down with the ship with me.  But even more than that, The Kensington Chronicle is a Neverland institution.  When we’re at our best, we’re providing the kind of relevant, hyperlocal news that I truly believe every Neverland resident has an inalienable right to.  So even if there wasn’t a whole staff of people whose livelihoods depended on the paper staying open, I couldn’t be so prideful as to deprive my community of its lifeblood just because I don’t want to see another man’s name on the masthead.

Mr. Jas Hook, owner of JH Media, and now, by extension, the Kensington Chronicle, has a reputation as a bit of a shark in the corporate world, but I think that reputation is undeserved.  For the better part of the past year, my daughter has been working at JH Media’s corporate headquarters in New York City, and what Jas has done for her since she got there, both personally and professionally, is something I don’t think I’ll ever be adequately able to thank him for.  And this was by no means a hostile takeover, not by a longshot.  I wouldn’t even say it was the best of some bad options.  Ultimately, I believe it’ll be a privilege to work for and with Mr. Hook, and that the JH Media name will give our local rag more resources than we’ve ever had before.  I’ll still be in charge of the day-to-day operations at the paper, and I’ll tell you this much: Not that much is going to change.  Not if I have anything to say about it.  Guess pretty soon we’ll see just how much my word still counts around here.

Oh, and lastly, a few of you have been asking after John.  I gotta tell you, he’s taken the news of the Chronicle sale harder than anyone.  Harder than I ever could have anticipated.  Suffice to say, me writing this week’s column was about more than me wanting to have a heart-to-heart with all of you loyal readers out there; John is also not in a great headspace at the moment.  I suspect he’ll resume his regularly-scheduled editorials soon, as he starts to come to grips with the new status quo around here.  He’ll be okay, we’ve weathered worse than this.  But thank you all for your kinds letters, on his behalf and mine.  We’re all still here, and we’re going to work just as hard for you as we did before.  Because when you get right down to it, no matter who’s signing our paychecks, The Kensington Chronicle is about Neverland.  And outside of my family, there’s nothing in this world I love more.

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Posted in Editorials
Posted on August 31, 2015

100 Ways to Stay Alive on the Web!

Ahoy-hoy, Darlingites! This edition of John’s Editorials is brought to you by the irreversible Michael Darling, and the letter “O.”  As in, “OMG, I can’t believe I’ve been hosting ‘Dear Darling’ for 100 episodes!”  I know John usually writes these, but in honor of this milestone, he let me tag in!  And here I am, ready to talk about one of my favorite subjects: ME!

That’s right, it’s been 100 episodes since I took over “Dear Darling” from my sister, Wendy,  and our numbers are better than ever! (Not that it’s a competition.)  Wendy was the inventor of the format, after all.  And mostly, I’m just glad she and I are on speaking terms again.

Since Mr. Hook has ALL the money, I expect my salary will go up a million percent.  But don’t worry, I have no plans to retire.  I love all of you too much!  And, look, as long as we’re talking about it, I’m gonna get sappy for a second.  I couldn’t do this show without all of you viewers.  I literally couldn’t.  Without you, I’d have nobody to give advice to!  So I wanted to take a minute to do a bunch of shoutouts to friends of the show, people who help make “Dear Darling” the Kensington Chronicle’s most popular advice vlog.  In no particular order:

JH Media computer whiz Zoe Penderghast, who helped salvage my hard drive after it got wet during the last Fish Girl Pond concert.  Hannah Hope, one of my high school buds, who just recently became a teacher at Neverland High.  Say hi to Aurelia Lavoix for me, she’s the voice coach there!  Gotta give the Heisel twins credit for world’s best prank, even if it was at my expense!  You know what you did.  Officer Kenzi Martin, who’s been helping Sheriff Lestrade settle into his new position.

My favorite non-human guest, Chuckles the high-fiving cat, and her human, Shirley Positive.  I’ve never met Alexander Trell in person, I don’t think anyone has seen him since he was 12.  But he writes in on a regular basis, and John tells me his books on LGBT issues are absolute page turners.  Maddy Pfairlove and her amazing strawberry banana smoothies.  Cornish Curios curator Brigid Cornish, who keeps coming up in conversation.  Holy alliteration, Batman!

Melissa “Buttons” Wilson for hosting our staff Bad Movie Nights.  Neverwhere Inn, where Colleen Husted leaves the light on for all of our celebrity guests.  Rufio Bascom of Rufio Consignments, who provided my jacket for the anniversary episode.  Vehura Hoshino and Luath Events for organizing the Chronicle Christmas party this past year.  Kaz and Bronwen for being the best interns a guy could have.

And I can’t leave out Jo and Freddie Wentworth, who created “Dear Darling’s” littlest fan, baby Lillian.  And of course, Monstro, Columbine Hailtree, Lily Belle Abbott, Erin Wilbert, Valeria Smooth, Kensy, Adelaide Turner, Big Matthew C., Amanda Carter and Ann Jensen, but you kids are getting a special shoutout in the anniversary show, so I’ll just name drop you all here.  Oh, but I will say to Monstro… glad to hear you and Teresa Delacruz worked out your differences, buddy.

We’ve got a star-studded anniversary episode in store for you guys this week.  It’s all I can do not to post the lineup here, but that’d spoil the surprise!  Moving forward, you might see videos even more often!  I have my entire room to myself for a change, which means I can do videos at all hours.

Thank you guys so much for making “Dear Darling” possible.  You ain’t seen nothing yet!

Sent from my iPhone,
Michael Darling

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Posted in Editorials
Posted on August 27, 2015

Bagha Industries Going Public

Dear readers, it has come to my attention that Bagha Industries, helmed by Neverland’s own Lily Bagha, is about to have its initial public offering.  (For those unfamiliar with Ms. Baga, you can learn more about her and her company in an editorial from last year).  Though Ms. Bagha is a friend to the paper, she declined to comment on the move at this time, leaving us only to speculate as to her reasons.  First and foremost, it appears that she might not have any other choice.

Until relatively recently, companies with more than 500 on-record shareholders were required by the SEC to go public, but in 2012 the senate passed legislation raising that cap to 2,000.  But the number of Bagha Industries shareholders is just about to rocket past this new magic number, forcing the CEO to make Bagha Industries stock available to the public, or submit to much stricter disclosure rules.  It seems the company has grown too much, too fast.  This would ordinarily be a good problem to have, but it remains to be seen just how the issuance of public stock will affect the company.

When Facebook went public a few years back, CEO Mark Zuckerberg only sold 10% of the company.  While the exact number of shares that Bagha Industries intends to release is not yet known, industry insiders report that the company will be putting a much larger portion of the company in the hands of the public.  Now, this is the part that I’m having difficulty wrapping my mind around.  Issuing a lot of stock is a good way to raise capital, but I can’t imagine that Bagha Industries is having cash flow problems.  Despite her company’s prolific amount of philanthropic works, our Ms. Bagha has occasionally been accused of having “lost touch” with the 99%, so maybe putting control of a significant portion of her company in the public’s hands is a way of earning back their trust.  Of course, Ms. Bagha’s business acumen far, far eclipses my own, so it’s safe to assume she knows exactly what she’s doing.

Like I said, there aren’t a lot of concrete details about this floating around yet, but we promise to keep our finger on the pulse of this important local story.  All credible sources anticipate that this stock offering will come to pass within a matter of days.  I’ll keep you all updated at this one develops.

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Posted in Editorials
Posted on August 20, 2015

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  • 10:00 pmAsk Wendy Live!
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