Hello my Wendybirds!
I’m excited to be back in Neverland, Ohio – writing for The K-Chron. My first book “Ask Wendy” was a success and I am now voraciously working on my second. You can help me out by asking me any questions you’ve got (using the submission form in the sidebar) – I’ll answer some of them in my weekly column every Thursday – and I’ll even answer some of them in a LIVE A.M.A. scheduled in a few weeks (more info to come.)
Life is always amazing and everything goes according to plan and nothing bad ever happens!
If that sounded like the silliest thing you’ve ever read, good! You’re a real person! Life isn’t always amazing, things rarely go to plan, and bad things happen…a lot. It’s important to know what to do when life hands you lemons. And it ain’t making lemonade! When life hands me lemons, I take a good look at those yellow jerks and throw most of them away! Seriously, who needs that many lemons? How much lemonade could one person possibly make!? I keep a few, like a reasonable normal person amount of lemons, and the rest? Chuck ’em.
What I’m trying to say here is that it’s important to know when hard times are useful, and when they’re just keeping you down. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger my Wendigos! And there is knowledge to be gained when life kicks you down. But sometimes, you get knocked down and you just have to get back up. Not every hardship will come with a valuable lesson, but each one will come with the opportunity for you to come back harder! Sometimes after a bad day full of useless lemons, you just need to dust yourself off, put on a power dress, and hit back yelling “You can’t beat me lemons! You’re just fruit!”
Doubt isn’t necessarily bad, in fact, it’s inherently healthy. It is a bi-product of fear and fear is designed to protect us, to stop us from playing with that seemingly friendly grizzly bear, from eating the wrong color berries. Doubt is essentially a precursor of fear – Is this safe? Is this right? Is this wrong? Doubt is designed to jump start our reasoning, to ask us to examine the situation and weigh the outcomes. It’s like a Stop sign. Doubt gives you pause, asks you to check both ways, and proceed with caution.
The problem is when it becomes a roadblock. We can’t allow doubt to shackle us in place. I experienced this first hand with my move to the city. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we can’t allow doubt to transform to fear and paralyze us. If I had fed into my feelings of doubt I wouldn’t have moved, wouldn’t have met my new friends, many of whom I now care for deeply, and wouldn’t be writing this book! And that would be a tragedy! (Don’t forget to recommend this book to your friends and family)
I’ve seen what can happen when you’re afraid. You plateau. You think convince yourself that the risk isn’t worth it and you deny yourself an entire world of possibilities! Some people claim to want adventure, but only in the abstract. When faced with an opportunity to actually get out there and have experiences, the doubt monster says “Whoa, whoa whoa! We don’t know what’s out there!” And instead of recognizing that that is exactly what makes it an adventure, fear takes hold and says “Let’s just stay here where it’s safe, where it’s comfortable”. When that happens, we run the risk of being left behind. And that would be a true tragedy.
Setting goals is the first step to achieving them. I know, I know that sounds utterly obvious, but let me assure you Wendigos – it is harder than it sounds! We all have dreams, and so long as they’re locked safely inside the beautiful dream box in our mind, they’re safe and unattainable. The moment you actually sit down and map out what you want, you have stepped onto the treacherous, rewarding, exhausting path to Goal Achievement.
But before we get into the ups and downs of our achieving our goals, we have to set them. To keep things simple, I like to think of three types of Goals: Short Term, Long Term, and Lifetime. Each type of goal builds and supports the other. Say you grew up wanting to be a ballerina, this is your dream, or in other words, your LIFETIME GOAL. In order to meet that goal you need to get into a great Fine Arts School, this is your LONG TERM GOAL. In order to get into a great school for dance, you need to join a class and start training; here we have your SHORT TERM GOAL.
Lifetime Goals can often seem impossible, or at least improbable. But by breaking it down all the way to Short Term Goals, you see that getting started is much easier than you think. Now grab your tutu and chasse’ your way to achieving your dreams!
And remember, if you’re only taking ballet lessons so you’re mother can flirt with Phillipe, the french instructor, you might be living out someone else’s dream.
Hello Wendigos,
First off, I’d just like to thank you for buying this book. A lot of sweat, tears, and coffee went into it (seriously, I spilled coffee on my laptop like six times and every time I hit the spacebar it smells like a StarShucks is on fire.).
What will you find in this book, you ask? Well, hopefully some laughter, some inspiration, and most importantly some advice. Now, what makes me qualified to give advice? Simple, I make mistakes…lots and lots and lots of mistakes…and through those mistakes I cry, I get angry, I get depressed, I get knowledge. Knowledge I hope can either help you avoid the same pitfalls, or at least let you know that you aren’t alone when in them.
I learned a lot about myself writing this book. There were times where things poured out of me I didn’t know were even there…some were joyful like finding a twenty in an old coat pocket…others were more like finding a bruise on your leg that you have no idea where it came from. I found there were a lot of wounds I thought had healed that were still open, and many old demons hiding behind painting of flowers I’d hung up in my memories.
That may all sound like bad things, but let me tell you something, having finished this book I’ve never felt lighter in my whole life. So here is my first piece of advice, Wendigos, WRITE. You don’t have to be a writer or ever have any intention of putting what you write out into the world, but there is something so freeing about taking what’s inside and putting it on paper. Let the page hold your pain, remind you of your joy, and leave room inside your heart for new and wonderful.
So that’s my first piece of advice…first of many, but before you turn the page I just want to say it one more time…Thank You.
Gratefully yours,
Wendy Moira Angela Darling
DEAR WENDY DARLING,
I love your videos and I hope I could get some advice from you. What should you do if your family doesn’t approve of your career choice? I want to work in the travel industry because ever since I was a kid, I wanted to see the world. It’s what I love to do. But it just seems like my family doesn’t understand. I know they mean well but it still hurts that they’re unsupportive of your dreams.
-NIGHTSHADE
HELLO MY DARLING NIGHTSHADE,
The travel industry sounds absolutely amazing! I myself have been traveling a lot recently and let me tell you…the world… is… INCREDIBLE! There is so much out there to explore, see and EAT! Some of the food I’ve had has made me seriously question if I ever knew what love was before. I may have gotten engaged to an éclair in France. Our love was short…but delicious.
But you and I both already agree that traveling and seeing the world is AHMAZEBALLS…the problem is your family doesn’t think so. There are usually 3 main reasons family members don’t support a career choice.
1). They think it’s unstable and you won’t be able to support yourself on it!
This is the problem faced by many people, especially those who want to pursue a career in the arts.)
2). They are worried it’s dangerous.
My brother Michael once said he wanted to join the army…my mother was a hysterical wreck at the thought of her baby boy in harms way.
Luckily, Michael’s short-term memory is…lacking…and he quickly forgot he wanted to join the army and decided he wanted to be a “guy that trains dogs to do cool stuff like…stuff…that’s cool.”
3). They think the job will take you away.
Which the job you want will literally do just that!
The travel industry is a pretty stable and decent paying career…so I don’t think it’s #1. Now, travel can be dangerous, so there could be a bit of #2 in the mix. However, I’m going to put my money on #3. I’m betting you and your family are pretty close, and they don’t like the idea of you being so far away so often. In a lot of ways, it’s very sweet…BUT…it’s also not their life. In their heart of hearts they want you to be happy, and if working in travel makes you happy, then in the end (even if they don’t like it now) they will accept what you do and be proud of you (but in the beginning maybe snag them awesome souvenirs from your travels to let them know you’re thinking about them…and call home regularly!) Remember, life is a short and precious gift, and doing anything less than what makes you happy is a waste of that gift.
Till next time My Darlings!
ALWAYS YOURS,
WENDY
DEAR WENDY DARLING,
Your videos are amazing but I had a question. I am actually afraid of growing up and getting out into the world, and you seem like you are really excited to get out there, so how do you do it? Have the guts to get out there and try new things I mean?
SINCERELY,
CAT
HI CAT!
Thanks you so much! I’m so glad you like my videos! Oooh, trust me there is nothing easy about growing up and getting out there and trying new things. In fact, I’ve found that all the biggest decisions in life come with a nice side of doubt and fear. For me, I use the fear as a motivator, as a challenge, as a dare! Instead of letting it hold me down I let it propel me forward.
But really, My Darling, in the end it comes down to what makes you happy. I have people in my life who are completely happy living the same way day in and day out… and they’ve shown me that there is nothing wrong with that because they are HAPPY! Me, I need to try new things, see new sites, to push myself and experience the unknown to truly be happy. Life is short and it is precious and you shouldn’t waste it either pursuing or not pursuing things that don’t bring you joy. If you find something that will make you happy, even if you know it’s a big and scary change, I promise you that you’ll find the strength to go for it.
UNTIL NEXT TIME, MY DARLINGS!
Hello My Darlings,
Change is often difficult…sometimes it’s down right heartbreaking…but change doesn’t always have to mean the end. I promised you before I left that I’d always be just an email away, and I plan to keep that promise. So while I’ve started my job in the big city, I shall still be doing my “Ask Dear Darling” weekly advice column for the Kensington Chronicle…at least in the interim until they find a new columnist. So, My Darlings, what can I help you with today?
Always yours,
Wendy Darling
(Note from the Assistant Editor-in-Chief, John Darling: Please direct your “Dear Darling” inquiries to the form in the sidebar of this page.)
Whenever I need a little lift, I love slipping into ModCloth’s Ornithology Wiz Top. It feels like butterfly wings whispering against my skin and the vintage print makes my heart soar. In this case I paired the silky flowy top with my cream cardi, aqua cropped skinny jeans and nude wedges. Just the pick-me-up I needed this week!
DEAR DARLING
I’m fixing to go to college. What’s something important to remember about getting out there in the world on your own for the first time? Also, good luck with your job applications!
-BRITTANY
OOOH BRITTANY
I’m so excited for you! Going off to college is such a magical and special time. For many people it’s the first time they are away from their family and friends, the first time they get to make all their own decisions. Want cookies for dinner? YOU HAVE THOSE COOKIES!
But college is also a lot of really hard work. It’s long hours both in and out of the classroom and there’s a lot of pressure to succeed… and I want you to succeed… I want you to work hard and get the skills and education necessary to make your dream come true, but if there’s ONE piece of advice I can give you, one thing I’d want you to remember, one thing I wish I’d done differently… it’s make sure you have fun. I worked tirelessly to get “straight A’s” but let me tell you, no one cares if you got an ‘A’ on that math test or a ‘B’ they just care that you have the diploma. I missed out on a lot of fun by staying in my room to study for test that have zero barring on my life right now. I missed out on making memories so I could make an ‘A+’ instead of an ‘A’ and I don’t even remember what class it was for. As I said, My Darling, I’m not telling you to slack off. It’s important to work hard in school and get good grades or you’re just wasting your time, but if all you do is work you’re also wasting your life. Have a wonderful time, Brittany, I’m always just an email away if you have any problems.
Till next time My Darlings!
P.S. Beware those student loans! They’re like signing your soul away!
DEAR DARLING,
My best friend recently moved to a new city, and she’s having trouble with dating. She’s met a few guys, but they’re either distant or putting on too much pressure. She needs some advice on how to tell whether guy is actually interested. I’ve been off the scene for almost fifteen years, so I’m no help. Can you give some pointers?
-LEIGH
HI LEIGH AND FRIEND OF LEIGH!
Congrats on moving to a new city! That’s so exciting! With that move comes a lot of new adventures, and one age old one if you’re single, DATING! But when you start out on that dating journey how do you know a guy’s intention? How do you know if he really likes you or if he just wants to…umm…park his car in your garage? Well, while there is really no sure fire way to tell, here are some tips.
1.) PRESSURE: If the guy is pressuring you to do something you don’t want to do…or aren’t ready to do then…
2.) DATES: What kind of dates is he taking you on? If the dates are always at night, always one on one, and his main objective seems to be to get you drunk then he probably has only one end game in mind!
3.) TIME: How long have you known this guy? How many dates have you been on? How often is he contacting you before or after dates? If you guys have been going out for a couple of weeks and the guy seems like he’s genuinely putting in the effort to see and talk to you (and not just at night on dates) then you may have found a guy who is genuinely into you!
Bottom line, FRIEND OF LEIGH, if a guy isn’t putting in the time and effort to show you he likes you, or is trying to pressure you into something you aren’t ready for…then he’s not the kind of guy you should waste your time dating, and definitely not the kind you want parking his car anyway!
Till next time My Darlings!
