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Neverspeak Weekly 3/14/17

Some Enchanted Vending… If you haven’t been to Neverland Books recently, it may be worth a visit. Owner Bri Valdivia recently installed a book dispenser that seems to be a bit magical. Word on the street is that it works like a regular vending machine (which by the way, I love the idea of a vending machine for books!), but the books it gives customers are oddly specific. Customer Gemma Willoe received a book about being happily single, while a certain gossip columnist who shall remain nameless got Harriet the Spy. No one knows exactly how this is happening, but there is some belief that fairy magic might be behind it. Given the recent influx of fairies into Neverland, that seems like a pretty good guess! After you’ve finished your spring cleaning, you might as well fill up your book shelf with titles that are tailored to you!

Spring Forward. You all may have cursed the daylight savings gods when you lost an hour of sleep on Sunday, but you know what that extra hour of sun means! It’s time for the annual Spring Fling. This coming Tuesday at 8PM rather than waiting for my column with baited breath, Neverlandians will be donning their finest frocks and dancing the night away. The ball will be the culmination of the Spring Festival in which Neverlandians celebrate the Vernal Equinox with two days of events including the Firefly Festival at the Skeleton Tree and High Tea Mixer held in the Garden of Light. The times of all events can be found on the community calendar. Looking forward to seeing the ensembles as colorful as all these spring flowers!

Bachelor No More. One of Neverland’s favorite couples is making it official! Bri Valdivia and Sheriff Harrison “Tacos” Lestrade are getting married. The couple was engaged during Thanksgiving last year and their April 29th wedding is quickly approaching. But, before the wedding can take place there, of course, has to be a bachelor party. I believe it is my responsibility to make this public service announcement. Stay off the streets on the night of April 14 because the men of Neverland will be having a wild night on the town. But, be warned, boys, the women of Neverland will not be shown up. Bri’s wedding shower will be held this Thursday at 6PM!

Local Initiatives. According to some folks, this column was a little hard on Lola Williams last week. To make up for it, I’d like to plug her new business, Sunny & Lola’s. Lola and her horse Sunday (Sunny for short) are in the business of teaching horseback riding (not boyfriend stealing!).  Teresa Delacruz, known mostly for her talent with the supernatural, has turned her attention to a more literary project. Follow her hashtag #NeverlandReads to hear her thoughts as she reads Jane Austen’s Emma for the first time. Or join her and use the hashtag yourself! I, for one, have read Emma at least a dozen times. I’m not sure why I relate to the character of a meddlesome busybody who gets into everyone’s business so much, but I do!

Too Many Secrets! Buddha once said, three things cannot long stay hidden: the sun, the moon and the truth. We must not have many buddhists in Neverland because it seems like everyone has a secret these days! And for a GOSSIP COLUMNIST this is very frustrating. So, now I’m going to frustrate you readers, and the chain of deception will continue to be forged link by link. Wendy Darling may be gathering forces for a secret project (apparently involving pizza), Amy Jolie may be revealing a well-kept secret at the upcoming Spring Fling, and Nanny Ams may have had a secret rendezvous with a charming chimney sweep in the Garden of Light last week.  Who knows?

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Shelby Loren Scott♡ @SimplyShelbs16 Mar 12
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“If you obey all the rules, you’ll miss all the fun.” – #KatharineHepburn
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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on March 14, 2017

Your Pot of Gold

Hey Wendy!

How do you deal with time management and motivation? I always plan my days out based on what I have to get done, but I never accomplish anything because I get distracted or bored! Thanks!

Sincerely,

Halli P.

Dear Halli,

This is an interesting question. When someone has to get something done, I would usually tell them to make a plan, mapping out how to get from point A to point B step by step. But, you, my dear, have the plan but are having a hard time sticking to it.

You say you either get bored or distracted. I wonder, Halli, do you feel connected to what you are doing? Sometimes we have to have the why before the how. Even though my work load seems overwhelming at times, I always endeavor to plow through it because it is the work that I love. Helping people in creative ways is my calling and I get to do it every day through writing this column, making a vlog, and working on my next book.

Now I realize that not everyone gets to spend their days doing exactly what they love. But, I also believe that we all deserve to be working towards that. So what is your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? What dream are you chasing? Do you want to be your own boss, do you want to travel the world, do you want to buy a house and make it your own?

I want you to really spend some time thinking about this and when you have an answer (or a few!), I want you to post reminders of that goal all around your work space. If you are more of a left-brained person, that may just be notes that say “Trip to Spain!” or “Opening my own yoga studio.” If you are more right brained, you might want to make a vision board or pick out an inspiring song to listen to any time you need a boost. The point is, if you keep reminding yourself of the ‘why’, the how will be easier to navigate.

Once you have your dream or, in other words, your motivation in mind, try some of these tricks for how to stay focused and avoid distractions. You say that you plan out your days already. That’s great! Now take that list of tasks and prioritize them. You can do this by urgency, but I suggest doing it by complexity of the task. The reason for this is that our first hour of working is when our brain is firing at all cylinders.  The longer we’re at it, the more tired our noggin gets.  So, use that magic time to get the most creative task accomplished.

Here’s an example. Let’s say this afternoon I have to shoot out some emails, clean my desk, and write an article. Well, often I am tempted to start with the mindless task first (most likely cleaning my desk) and build up to that hard one! But, unless one of the emails is URGENT, I should really start with the article while my brain is the least tired.

Recognize that even when you get your goals in order and you have your motivation, there will be times (probably a lot more than you’d like) when you just won’t feel like working. This is called resistance and it’s natural and annoying. You just have to recognize it for what it is and push through it. The difference between a professional athlete and an amateur is the former’s ability to work and practice even when they don’t feel like it.  Setting timers for yourself and putting your phone on airplane mode can help keep you on track.

Most people overestimate what they can do in a day and underestimate what they can do in a year. Recognize that you are only human and only have so much energy, focus, and stamina. Be realistic about what you can feasibly accomplish in a day and spread your bigger projects out over weeks or months. If you whittle your todo list down to 3 items for the day rather then the never-ending list that just rolls over and over, you’ll have a much better chance at feeling a sense of peace and accomplishment rather than stress at the end of the day. Then you can rest, rejuvenate and be ready for your 3 items tomorrow.

All in all, be kind to yourself, Halli. Remember that you are more than your todo list, more than the sum of your achievements. You are a very human person who is probably delightful in lots of human ways just trying to figure it all out. The more you can be your own cheerleader rather than your own bully, the closer you’ll get to becoming the woman you want to be.

Always yours,

Wendy

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Posted in Ask Wendy
Posted on March 9, 2017

Neverspeak Weekly 3/7/17

Baby, Baby. In addition to new residents, Neverland will be welcoming even newer faces by the end of this year. If you haven’t already heard, Sarah-Jane Mason and her husband Alfie are expecting twins. The word on the street is that Jas Hook himself signed off on their future monikers, Ava and Aidan. Make those connections early! This crafty columnist also got an exclusive with Mia Traynor who just announced that she and her hubby Eli are expecting as well. Both future mother and father are looking forward about their impending parenthood. Mia admits to some trepidation, but assures us that Eli is ready to go. “He is excited to teach his progeny his cowboy ways,” a glowing Mia giggled. Congrats on the great news, cute couples! Better you than me.

Whatever Lola Wants… While some couples are coming closer together, others may be falling apart. Multiple sources have reported seeing Wesley Parsons horseback-riding with blonde beauty Lola Williams at her new riding school, Sunny & Lola’s. According to one concerned observer, “Lola, as she calls herself, offers riding lessons, but she’s very hands-on.” Apparently, Mr. Parsons has been less than honest with his girlfriend Juliet Carpenter about these meetings. A word of caution to both parties, in a town as small as Neverland, you can never keep a secret for long.

Light ‘Em Up. Michael Darling led a tour of the Garden of Light for interested Neverlandians this week. While tours are usually populated by, well, tour-ists, it was great to see the locals really appreciating one of our proudest treasures. Teresa Delacruz loved being in the Garden so much that she made it the location of her Halloween wedding to Neal. The Gardens are always exquisite, but recent developments have made them even more spectacular. Droves of fairies have been showing up in Neverland and taking up residence in the park. This is unusual at this time of year given that it is not December and we aren’t all singing showtunes. (Ask Sarah Lightly more about Fairy Songification if you are new to Neverand…)

Making Magic. The Neverland fire department has had their fair share of cats in trees, but they probably haven’t had a call quite like this one. According to her mother, Lilly-Jane Wentworth accidentally turned her favorite teddy bear into a real live feline. Though she’s only just turned two, the littlest member of our favorite fairy family can already fly and is “startlingly good at anything magic she tries.” Jo isn’t quite sure if the bear will remain a cat or not. With husband Freddie Wentworth in Europe helping fairy refugees and her own commitment to med school, Jo has certainly got her hands full. If the magic can’t be reversed, this bear-turned-cat may be in need of a new home!

Window to the Soul. If you haven’t already joined, there is a new dating app in town. JHMedia and the K-Chron have teamed up to release Open Window. For now, the website will be locals only, but knowing JHMedia, it will soon be worldwide. While competitor Tinder sends your swipes into oblivion, Open Window actually keeps track of how many Neverlandians have opened your window (and how many haven’t.) “It’s the worst kind of popularity contest,” said one disgruntled single. But others don’t seem to be bothered by the game. A grinning Jane Mannering admitted that she’s kind of obsessed with the app. “It’s almost as addicting as these chocolate covered gummy bears!” Just make sure to note what your looking for, so you don’t end up on a date that’s not a date, or a hangout that is!

Trending
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Best Tweet Ever
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“Dear @Lin_Manuel, do not throw away your shot! Please come to Neverland. Your obedient servant.”

 

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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on March 7, 2017

A Lively Night

Hey Wendybirds!

I am so excited to bring Ask Wendy back to the new K-Chron!  Sooooo excited that I spent an hour last night giving advice live from my office at the new JH Media building visible from…well, everywhere in Neverland.  The last year has been a whirlwind and it was so magical to return to the place where it all began.  Me, you and a web cam in good, old Neverland, Ohio.

Always yours,

Wendy

PS) Hope you enjoy the input from my trusty assistant as much as I did.  Remember, darlings, no matter how hard life gets, a good friend can always make it better.  (And a good laugh, too!)

 

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Posted in Ask Wendy
Posted on March 2, 2017

Dear Darling – SELF HELP!

Dear Darling,
Hey Michael it’s Michael! How are you? Never mind I know exactly how you’re doing – you’re freaking out! Everything is changing and I don’t know what to do! Today I saw John wearing a wrinkled shirt. A WRINKLED SHIRT!!! If that is not a clear sign that these are the end times than I don’t know what is! So I guess my question to me is…How do you stay calm when you have no friggin’ idea what will happen next, and down is up, and right is wrong, and good is bad, and you’re completely OUT OF CHEESY POOFS!?!?!?!!1

Sincerely Michael Darling.

Well, Michael I can tell by your punctuation that you are A) very handsome B) very cool and C) super stressed out.  And my advice to you is…I DON’T KNOW!  And what do I do when I’m lost?  Watch cartoons!!! So please enjoy this advice:

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on September 9, 2015

Neverspeak Lastly?

As you all know, there have been a few changes here at the Chronicle in the last couple weeks. The good news is our new owner Jas Hook has assured us that we all still have jobs. The other news is that we aren’t totally sure what those jobs will look like. As JH Media takes over operations, Neverspeak Weekly will be taking a brief hiatus to “retool, reimagine, and reignite.” Though I am a great fan of alliteration, those are Mr. Hook’s words, not mine.

I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed writing about the goings-on in Neverland this summer. What started out as a job became a true pleasure as I started to think of you less as subjects and more as friends. Since I don’t know when this column will be back up and running, I would like to use this last edition as a moment to reflect on an amazing summer in Neverland. Below I have pulled some of my favorite gossip items from the last 11 issues.

Scandalous!?  Neverlandians’ reactions were mixed to the first publication of this column.  There was a lot of support but also some uncertainty.  Just know that we here at the Kensington Chronicle are trying to shake things up and add a new dimension to our beloved Neverland.  No one knows what that crazy, free-spirit of a gossip columnist Ms. Skylights will be up to next!

A Lovely Night. Neverlandians gathered on Thursday night for the 2nd Annual Midsummer Ball. The night was a smashing success. Though some townsfolk worried that this sophomore outing wouldn’t measure up to last year’s festivities, they were soon mollified and amazed by this year’s ball-to-the-wall bash. With the help of Lily Bagha’s generosity and the Party Planning Committee’s dedication, Neverlandians enjoyed more music and more spectacle than ever before.  Check out the photospread below for the ball’s fierce fashion!

Love Bugs. No bugs had to be planted by this gossip columnist to pick out the couples in the room on Thursday night. Everyone wants their Cinderella moment at a ball, and, happily, a large amount of Neverlandians got just that! Juliet and Wesley were seen sharing bites of ice cream, a charming cowboy made a last minute appearance to dance with a book shop belle, and Bri was seen dancing with Agent Tacos back early from his assignment. And in the most romantic moment of the night, Sarah-Jane Lakewood received a proposal from her boyfriend Alfie.

Taco Time! Bri Vivladia, Agent Tacos and friends had a Taco Night this past Friday on Big Bear Rock. Sources say it was mostly couples sipping on sangria and taking in the beautiful summer night. Eli Traynor escorted Mia Rivers, Juliet Carpenter brought Wesley Parsons, Nanny Ams came with Bertie Screener (before he was scared away by some overly friendly Fate Stalkers.)

Holy Mole-y! The Fate Stalkers have been out in full form braving the summer heat for love. (Though maybe it isn’t so brave since they carry their shade around with them.) Most Neverlandians were happy to see them out and about, but some thought they were getting a little bushy – I mean, pushy. Word has it things got heated between the Stalkers and Bertie Screever after he threw a banana peel into a shrub-covered Stalker. However, things have a way of working out. Through this altercation, the Fate Stalkers met their newest member, the recently inducted Dole the Mole. As far as we know, this is the first animal Fate Stalker.

New Sheriff in Town. G. Harrison Lestrade has been offered the job of Neverland’s Deputy Sheriff pending a background check. But, since he comes directly from the FBI, that shouldn’t be a problem! While we’ve had to say goodbye to a couple of Neverlandians, we are excited to welcome him and accountant Wesley Parsons (who’s looking for a roommate!) to the community full time.

Hearty Party. Everyone had a great time at the Jolly Roger Soda Ship 100 year Anniversary Party. Aimee and Katie served up an endless supply of delicious sweets and treats. Throughout the day patrons answered trivia about the shop’s history in between socializing and listening to a set by Fish Girl Pond. Neverlandians in attendance included Wesley Parsons, Juliet Carpenter, G. Harrison Lestrade, Bri Valdivia, Mia Rivers, Nanny Ams, Teresa Delacruz, and many more.

Neverspear In Love. This is why we love being Neverlandians! Everyone in town turned out to support Peter Pan in his artistic pursuit this past Thursday. Auditions took place on Wednesday, and with only a day’s notice actors took the stage the next night. John Darling, Michael Darling, G. Harrison Lestrade, Teresa Delacruz and Rowan O’Connor joined the cast along with Mr. Pan while Elsa Fairy, Lorelie Williams, Fish Girl Pond and yours truly helped bring the production together. Everyone celebrated a job well done with a toast at the Jolly Roger after the show.

Sign Language. Wendy Darling started her book tour here in Neverland last week. Locals lined up outside of Neverland Books to get their hands on some of the first copies of her new book “Ask Wendy!”. The local, soon to be national, celebrity was gracious and charming as she signed books for everyone who showed up and a few extras for those who couldn’t be there.

Beyond the Pale.  Even though it’s the end of summer and most of us are sun-kissed or just downright red, there have been a few new residents of the paler variety. Maybe they’re Scandinavian? But I never knew Scandinavians to have such a thirst for tomato juice. Well, thankfully, Teresa Delacruz seems to know how to keep those Scandinavians in line.  And don’t worry, she’s back from her vacation to Chicago with Neal.  Even Scandinavian wranglers need a little fun in the sun.

My Fair Soiree. As expected, Ms. Lakewood’s engagement party was quite the event! The guest list included Cecco, Ed Teynte, her roller derby crew, Marvel executives, Chris Pratt and Mermaid Lagoon. Neverlandians in attendance were Wendy Darling, Jas Hook, Sheriff Lestrade, Bri Valdivia, Nanny Ams, and Fish Girl Pond. The surprise of the night was when Special Guest Julie Andrews came out of retirement to sing to the couple.

PS (Perfectly Single). Not knowing that this might be the last Neverspeak for a while, I promised a Singles’ edition. I felt it was more important that I devote this article to a retrospective on the column. But, I do have a few words for the singles out there. Embrace your status because you are in the best position to prepare yourself for a great relationship. As one of my heroes, Lucille Ball, once said, “Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”

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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on September 8, 2015

Work vs Play

How do you manage work and play? My personal experience has been a bit sketchy, especially nearing exam times, and I would like to hear your advice.

-Zoe

This is an awesome question Zoe my darlingite!  Especially when everyone is getting ready to head back to school!

We all have important things that we have to do.  You have to do your homework, you have to clean your room, you have to organize your dvd collection by ability to make you laugh so hard milk comes out your nose.  But it’s also important to LIVE!  It’s important to go outside and play tag with the squirrels, to try every ice cream flavor they have at the Jolly Roger Soda Shop , to puke rainbows because you ate 40 pounds of ice cream, to have FUN!

But you have to have balance.

Many of you know my brother John.  A while back, he was in a place where work was his number one priority.  He would work 25 hours a day, yes 25.  He was so efficient that somehow he managed to get an extra hour out of every day!  It was driving him crazy!  And then you have my, old friend, Peter.  Peter was so focused on only doing things he thought were fun that he lost his job.  If you give work too much time, you’ll isolate yourself from the rest of the world.  But if you abandon all your responsibilities, you’ll disappoint the people who are counting on you and end up just as alone.

Later in life, you can find work that actually makes you happy!  I love talking to all of my darlingites, so work and play are sorta the same thing!  For now, while you’re in school, just make sure you keep that balance!  Try rewarding yourself for spending an hour studying by drawing a picture of your teacher and his goofy tie!  Or maybe read the chapters your assigned outside to get some fresh air!   Whatever you do, keep it balanced 🙂

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on September 2, 2015

Dear Darling – Being Yourself

How are you so free? You are always yourself, no matter what anyone thinks of you. Every time I try to be myself, people tell me exactly who I should be and what I should do with my life. It feels like I’m twenty different people trying to please fifty. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even know who I am anymore. It’s been the cause of my depression for almost two years and I don’t know what to do. I just want to make everyone else happy.
-Emily
Anytime people try to tell me to be less me, AKA less AWESOME, I just watch their mouths move and replace all the words with “Wah wah wu-wah wu-wah” and nod until they walk away.

 

Haters gonna hate man! As long as the you YOU are isn’t unkind or destructive or harmful to anyone else – DO YOU! You’ve exhausted yourself trying to make other people happy; it’s time to get rid of 19 of those 20 people pleasers and pick the person you wanna be. It’s not gonna happen overnight either. Finding the happiest you can take time. Imagine if Goku stopped at Saiyan and never went Super Saiyan?

 

Just do me a favor, put yourself first sometimes. We shouldn’t put ourselves first all the time – that’s a one-way ticket to I’m a Jerk Town. But if you always put yourself last and try to be someone just to make others happy, you’ll be the number one resident of Bummed Outville. So take a deep breath and start tuning out anyone that says who you are isn’t enough.

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Posted in Dear Darling
Posted on August 19, 2015

ASK WENDY Excerpt 7

Have you ever been down and had someone tell you to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”? Well, unless you happen to always be wearing strappy boots…this saying doesn’t help much. Sometimes life won’t be kind my Wendigos. It’s full of break ups, rejections, tragic loss, long lines, and empty pots of coffee. Whether your problems are big or small, it can be easy to draw your curtains, curl up into a ball, and decide you’re never washing your hair again. It’s important to know how to dig yourself out of these tunnels. This comes from a certain kind of self awareness.

Do something for me. List 3 things that always make you smile…got them? I’ll bet simply picturing them in your mind made you smile a tiny bit! It’s important to know what makes us happy. For me it’s moon pies, bookstores, and an A-line dress with a great print. When I’m having a rough time I pull out one of my mood miracles and remind myself that life has downs, but they’re only in between the ups.

Of course a few little life favorites aren’t always enough. It’s important to still apply problem solving skills to whatever your facing. And if you find what your facing is simply too much, know that it’s okay to reach out and find someone to talk to.

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Posted in Ask Wendy
Posted on August 16, 2015

Neverspeak Weekly 8/11/15

Neverspear In Love. This is why we love being Neverlandians! Everyone in town turned out to support Peter Pan in his artistic pursuit this past Thursday. Auditions took place on Wednesday, and with only a day’s notice actors took the stage the next night. John Darling, Michael Darling, G. Harrison Lestrade, Teresa Delacruz and Rowan O’Connor joined the cast along with Mr. Pan while Elsa Fairy, Lorelie Williams, Fish Girl Pond and yours truly helped bring the production together. Everyone celebrated a job well done with a toast at the Jolly Roger after the show.

Book It! In case you haven’t heard, Neverland’s own Wendy Darling is starting her book tour here in town at Neverland Books this Saturday at 1:30PM EST. So grab some brunch and come get in line for your very own signed copy of her book Ask Wendy! Advice on Life, Love & Living. If you can’t wait until Saturday, check out excerpts from the book at jhmediaworld.com.

Horse Play. Apparently, horses are the new black. This week saw two surprising horse cameos. After Mia decided to stay in Neverland, we all thought things had calmed down for the book store maven. That is until Eli Traynor rode up to her front door on a noble steed and made the maven into a maiden. In Panlet, the Ghost of Pancules played by G. Harrison Lestrade rode in on a horse as well. This mount was provided by Lorelie Williams who generously stayed behind to help shovel manure after the show.

Partners in Crime. It seems an unlikely duo has formed in the fight against crime. Barely a week into taking the position of Deputy Sheriff of Neverland, G. Harrison Lestrade has unofficially teamed up with Cleveland-based Slayer Teresa Delacruz to take on the forces of evil. Mr. Lestrade has been making quick work of the petty criminals in town, but has turned to the supernatural expertise of Ms. Delacruz when things skew to the spooky. Rumor has it the Neverland County Sheriff Office may be opening a paranormal investigation unit.

Engaging Affairs. Sarah Jane-Lakewood has announced that her engagement party will be taking place on August 28th. If trends continue it should be quite the romantic affair. As the summer is drawing to a close, it seems almost everyone in Neverland has paired off. First of all, I would like to assure all of those as single as me that those couples can’t sing “Single Ladies”. Second of all, I would really like to collect a comprehensive list of couple nicknames…Go!

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Posted in Neverspeak
Posted on August 12, 2015

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